It's The Choices That We Choose

float on

2005-03-24 - 10:58 p.m.

wow, i got an add entry with only one try. maybe something is improving?

well today, blah. Dealt with the mike situation as i have already mentioned.

then went to work. nothing exciting there. some parts, annoying.

Then got food, talked on the phone waiting for class, then some starbucks and then class. somehow he let us out like 30 mins early, which NEVER happens. i think he mentioned it was for spring break.

Now im at home. thinking lame things, about how last night really sucked and it makes me think twice about mike, when it shouldnt all the way since it was a first time thing. and then im thinking about that girl being at mike's house and them going out to bars and him being a fucking idiot and drinking and driving again. and he wonders why i get worried. fuckin moron (sometimes). grrr.

i doubt he would cheat on me, but still the situation is just skethcy to me.

i have to go apply for a loan/membership at a credit union tomorrow. so lets hope for a nice good interest rate. and when i say that, i mean anything below 16.99. preferably at the most 12.99, but that won't happen. the higher the interest rate, the shittier the car i get.

i got an inivitation for a wedding of my ex step-mom today. my brother is going, and im most likely going to go. i want to invite mike but not sure i can. it doesnt specify if you can bring a guest or not. im happy for her. she started her attempt to be a lawyer (with no college degree) in her thirties and is now in her 40's and is already one. and now getting married to someone who isnt my dad, which is always good. im not allowed to tell my sister or my mom. my mom would tell my sister, and my sister would tell my dad. and my dad would go crazy. she had to go through hoops to even get persmission from her husband to inivte us. my dad was pretty psycho with her future husband, tried to get him in all this legal trouble and make him get disbarred. a bunch of bullshit to me. dont get on my dad's bad side. he's crazy. literally.

tomorrow im going to the rocky horror show tomorrow (dont let them know im a virgin to the thing please!). im going with mike, rachel (bleh) and teddy. i invited teddy for support, which will be needed. i hope i end up liking this rachel girl... i dont know.

its been a pretty shitty week, and i just cant wait for it to end.

im especially not too excited about easter. i have to go to church, which i hate, with my family, in the morning in below freezing weather (literally) around a fucking lake. just so everyone knows, lake arrowhead... yes, the shitty tasting water bottle lake.

i really dont want to be around my family when that chick is at mike's. it will drive me nuts.

also, i want to go car shopping with my dad for the trade-in thing, but i dont want to actually go car shopping with him.

i would rather go with my step dad, but my step dad isnt offering me a down payment for a car.

no judo now for 2 or 3 weeks, i forgot how much. which sucks, because guarunteed mike and i time, which is usually pretty fun, and i dont know i really like it.

i have to look cute tomorrow, since rachel will be in the picture. i dont know why it matters to me, because its not like im competing with her, but im a stupid girl and she is a threatening force and i have to diminish her threat. my face has been clearing up for the most part recently, so thats nice.

i should go to bed. i havent had sleep in awhile. i had SHITTY sleep last night, with mike puking all night or moaning, on top of me being pissed at him which overly stresses me out. i had dreams about puking and mike dying. thats always nice.

i have to wake up somewhat early to go to the loan office. and i have to pick up my paycheck tomorrow, which i was supposed to pick up last week. yeah... i also should maybe try to catch up on some readiing for cal history before class. who knows.

i lose all motivation to do anything when im in this mood. i had time to exercise a few days this week and never did. too upset or whatever.

i guess nick wont be visiting here either which would have been fun for mike. i dont know.

i have officially determined mike's friends he went to the bar with last night are written off my good list permanently, basically they are on my shit list. mike's is kinda on it too, but i dont know, he will be off soon, probably.

i dont know if im the fucked up one in any of these situations or he is. or neither of us is. i dont know. this is all fucking retarded. i want it to end.

i need to listen to modest mouse, specifcally these lyrics:

"Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands, Good news will work its way to all them plans, We both got fired on the exactly the same day, Well we'll float on good news is on the way"

long long long - 2005-03-31

falling into place. - 2005-03-29

i wrote a LOT - 2005-03-29

this crap has piled up. - 2005-03-28

anxiety overload. - 2005-03-25

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