It's The Choices That We Choose

anxiety overload.

2005-03-25 - 3:35 p.m.

i am anxiety times a million right now.

i went to mission federal today and i qualify for a 11.25% apr rate, although less than a $5000 loan. great.

so tomorrow, im going to meet up with my step dad and go to a place with him, and he will cosign with me or whatever. if he is the primary co-signer than i will get a lower apr rate, which would be nice.

i need a better job, i need more time, i need to be done with school. this is ridiculous. only the rest of this semester, which is halfway over and then 2 more semesters. this will be hard, but i will make it through right?

another thing thats really making me all anxiety like is the stupid rachel thing.

talked to mike today to tell him about the bank thing, and i guess he was out until 5am last night. 3am at sunset cliffs, which is right by me.

supposedly he was the designated driver last night, which strikes me as weird, because i dont think he has ever been in his life. maybe, what happened the night before really affected him, or maybe his stomach prob couldnt handle much alcohol after puking 24 hours earlier. who knows. but i guess, if he isnt lying to me, thats good.

he is still on the bad list with me, which is making me more upset, because i dont want to have to give him up. but if he keeps doing shit like this, than i will. and that doesnt sound very fun. this week sucked in general with him. nothing terribly bad, but nothing good, really.

so one day down of rachel and 4 to go.

tonight... i hope it works out. i dont know how to act around her, will she judge me? will she hate me? will i hate her? if i hate her there will be big problems. if i like her, everything will work out better.

i had bad dreams about this last night and it made my imagination worse.

nothing to distract me really at work right now, so... that doesnt help.

by the way, someone keeps leaving me notes because i wrote some diary entry mentioned this guy adam nadow, who is this "friend" of my brothers who was a lame ass. when i wrote about him in the entry i was making a metaphor including him, that was comparing him to an idiot no one wanted to hang out with. but everytime these people try to say anything to me, they never leave a way for me to contact them, so really, its pretty lame.

they left me a note today saying i heard you have great entries and know adam nadow. you fucking retard, dont try to kiss my ass to find out about a guy who is that lame. are you adam nadow or are you his stalker... geez... such a shady situation.

well i should go. only an hour and 15 mins left here. mike will possibly be home when i get off work, and im really hoping he will be. otherwise i will have a longer time of this anxiety bullshit. gah.

hopefully by tomorrow at this time i will have a new (used) car. thatd be sweet. we will see what happens.

one other thing that is stressing me out, is that i have to make some excuse to not go with my dad, who is possibly giving me his truck for a down payment. that would make him pissed at me, and me out of a good downpayment. but my step dad would be a better choice overall. i dont know. maybe he could give me the truck for a downpayment, and then leave. hah. yeah right.

i will get NO sleep tonight. great!

wish me luck tonight and this weekend. i dont want to go crazy.

family weekend sorta - 2005-04-02

long long long - 2005-03-31

falling into place. - 2005-03-29

i wrote a LOT - 2005-03-29

this crap has piled up. - 2005-03-28

last - next

host