It's The Choices That We Choose

this crap has piled up.

2005-03-28 - 2:48 p.m.

I hit the top of my stress level today. Everything has been overwhelming me like crazy, including mike.

I had the car thing. And now I have the thing where I have to make money to pay for my car payment. And then I have that girl at mike’s house and he keeps doing things that annoy the shit out of me, including going to Rosarito this weekend.

I have hung out with that girl and mike, and she is nice enough but I don’t know, we definitely don’t have anything in common aside from music and some movie interests. She is basically an alcoholic. Aside from this morning I hadn’t seen her without a beer by her side, out of 2 nights hanging out with her. If she knew me, she would think I am this boring good girl. Whatever, I don’t care, I don’t have to like her, she doesn’t have to like me.

So anyway, I got home this morning and founnd out I got that web assistant job, which is good, but if I take it I will have to work a lot of hours and am not sure I can handle that on top of what I am already doing. So i called mike to ask for his advice. and he just agreed with everything i said just to get me off the phone it seemed. but he says no. but i know him, he does that a lot. and then when he seemed annoyed with me he was like i have to go, bye.

and so i was pissed. and i started to cry. because my boyfriend was pissed at me for being upset (i thought) im already not too happy with him right now, and all the other stress in the world i still have to deal with.

so i texted him twice, telling him i was crying and upset. and he didnt call back. and then after like 10 mins of me crying and him not calling back i called him and he didnt pick up and i left some pathetic message of me being pissed and upset.

and he didnt call back.

i had to go to work and suck up my tears, thanks to molly!

I went and got starbucks with my boss, but just a cheap tiny ice tea and a nutrition bar because during all the crying i forgot to eat lunch. hmm.

So when i got back from starbucks, i have this text message on my phone from mike. saying he was on the phone with the insurance company when i called and that he is sorry that im upset and that he loves me and we will talk tomorrow.

so he did have an excuse, but im sure he wasnt on the phone with this insurance guy from 1:10 until 2pm (when i was at work). he didnt text me until 2:26pm. Im sure he was upset and annoyed with me, which bothers me still, but at least he did text message back and did have an excuse. im not sure he knows most of the reason im upset is because of him.

when we were hanging out last night, we were taking a shower, and he was like you look upset. and i told him that i was unhappy. and he said why? and i didnt want to get into a huge thing and wasnt sure exactly what was what and what i was thinking was rational or irrational, so i said i dont know, or something to that effect. and then he said that i was acting strange all week. and i wanted to say, NO SHIT you have a fucking girl staying at your house all week and youre doing things that drive me NUTS. things i hate when you do every once in awhile and you have been doing ALL of them every single day in a row with HER. yeah...

so some of this is irrational, and i know it, but whatever, this situation annoys the shit out of me. if he had had no excuse for what he did earlier, i was seriously considering breaking up. and that hurts me. i dont want to break up. but i cant let him do that to me.

i guess, apparently, we are talking tomorrow, or so his text message says. he goes to school and works though, so not sure how much talking we will be doing. but i hope some. and i want to talk about some things that have been on my mind but not extensively unless necessary.

molly and i are hanging out tonight, thank goodness! She is amazing and helping cheer me up. Which is good.

im relieved mike isnt a complete asshole, but not all the way. i understand he isnt calling me right now and had to text message because im at work. but we arent going to be able to talk too much if he is with that girl. and they might be hanging out late again tonight, i dont know. she leaves in the morning i think, but no idea what time, and i think he is missing class to take her to the airport. So tomorrow would be best, especially if he is stupid enough not to know that a lot of this has to do with him.

by the way, i got a new car this weekend. will have pics up later. its a 2000 corola. Im pretty happy about it. I know its not like a "cool" car or whatever, but its nice, and its certified and has a warranty and low mileage and i got it co-signed with my step dad so the apr is only 3.9% (which is amazing!)

i have to go home friday to get my old stereo put into my new car. for some reason they put tape decks into a 2000 corola. not sure about that.

by the way, i got $300 for my car, hahaha. and a bunch of other stuff i need to mention but should do another time, since im at work.

the end for now.

the rest of the weekend - 2005-04-04

family weekend sorta - 2005-04-02

long long long - 2005-03-31

falling into place. - 2005-03-29

i wrote a LOT - 2005-03-29

last - next

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