It's The Choices That We Choose

boys are frusterating

2005-05-25 - 2:43 p.m.

oh my gosh, is today over yet? geez.

at 10am today, 2 hours after i started my first job, i was completely over today. I was wondering when i could come home. Now it is 43 minutes into my second job and i just want to leave.

is it because these 10 hour days, now into the 3rd in a row, are obnoxious, or is it because im just in a bad mood because the mike thing. i dont know.

i remember when i worked at kodak and my dumb bitch boss was like dont even complain about working, i once worked 6 days in a row. what the fuck? come on. Ive worked 14 days in a row. Most people work 5 days in a row, so what is one more, seriously. Nothing big to complain about. But... i am still complaining about the begining of true 8am-6pm days, 5 days a week. I guess thats 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Just this week though, i guess. But not really, because i got Friday off for that camping thing.

I am not too excited about this camping thing, especially since the thing last night.

I dont know, i really dont like these girls, and for no valid reason, except mike hangs out with them. And i know if i go into with a closed mind it will turn out shitty. I am only going because i would be extremely pissed if mike went on a camping trip with a bunch of girls without me. f that. seriously. so im glad he inivted me, and i was able to get the day off, because i think he would have gone without me. and f that.

i decided not to call mike today. but when he doesnt call me, it makes me feel bad. thats why i hate to start games, but i feel like we need some space. but, then i think about it, and we are going to get three weeks of space, basically complete space (countries apart and we probably wont talk more than 5 times) starting in a week and a half i think. awesome, huh? yeah. not so much. but maybe it will be better, because we are kinda in a rut right now.

its just weird though because sometimes i want space, but i dont want to be a jerk and say leave me alone. and then when he wants space he tells me. but then i get mixed messages from him. for example, sunday. On Saturday night he was saying how he needs a little space, or that we hang out too much, or whatever. And so on Sunday i was going to leave him right after we watched the game together. And i did, and then 2 hours later he is whining for me to come back. so are you really sick of me? or not? Or are you just so utterly dependent on me for friendship that you cant not be around me.

he complains how he has no friends, which isnt entirely true, and then tried to put part of the blame onto me. which i dont think it belongs at all. yes we hang out a lot, but i dont make it so he cant hang out with other people, or even hang out with other people away from me. i dont. i encourage, (except i discourage the asian whores) and whatever. im over it, on that aspect.

basically, we do need to seperate ourselves from each other, we do need seperate lives, but just the transition, which never actually occurs when we start this, really bothers me.

i dont want it to be like we dont talk at all during the day. but, i think we need that shock, for it to start. but we will have three weeks of that. Im just frusterated.

PLUS, he is basically moving in with me on June 1st, how do we try to seperate ourselves from each other when that is happening. well june 7th he moves out though. But then he will be with me until the end of july i think. gah!

i think he is moving to long beach in August. Plus, another stupid thing, he gets back from his brazil/houston trip on june 26th, AT NIGHT, and has to be moved out of his current apartment by june 30th. thats not going to happen well. gah. he can be so stupid sometimes. guys can be so stupid sometimes.

i totally love this kid, and love spending time with him, but we do see each other too much and i think its kinda putting a damper on the relationship. i just am scared its too late, although mike said its not. it was just something he wanted to deal with now, so it didnt end up being too big or whatever. but i took it worse.

i want to call him and be like so buddy we need to get the camping stuff together, if we can. but all i did was text message him about it. i guess i have to talk to him tonight, i just remembered. as in find out what i need to bring or whatever. but i really dont want to talk. but i need to, since i do work all day and should probably plan something. like if i need to bring 2 sleeping bags, etc. LAME.

alright, i should probably go. i just needed to talk about this, and dont really feel like talking to teddy about it, and obviously not people at work. and i dont even want to talk about it to andrea, b/c then she will think mike is a jerk, and he isnt. although he acted stupid last night. grrr.

ok, im going now.

schedule might work out. crosses fingers. - 2005-06-04

entertain me. - 2005-06-02

i want to go home - 2005-06-01

im a drone - 2005-05-31

bitch bitch bitch whine whine whine - 2005-05-26

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