It's The Choices That We Choose

bright eyes all day

2005-06-18 - 3:01 p.m.

i am not sure what it is in my house, but there are still flys around.

I am about to extreme clean my room. Maybe there is a random dead thing in my room? I dont know. its confusing.

They started once adina got here. and now, she has been gone for awhile, so what is it? maybe she brought them here so i could have memories of her. geez.

anyway, so i almost went home today because i had NOTHING to do. i was really just about to get out of here.

But i sucked it up. I went to the mall, and found out i was actually too early there for the stores to open. So i went to target and talked to my mom on the phone. I woke up really early, after trying to sleep. i am used to waking up at 630am, so i guess wakng up at 845am is sleeping in. i guess??

So i bought the sweater i was dying over for over a week. I couldnt stop thinking about it. haha. i am SUCH a loser.

after a little grocery shopping i decided today was beautiful and i couldnt pass up a day at the beach. so i went by myself, with a girly magazine, and sat out there for probably a little over an hour. it was nice. it was PERFECT outside. it made me really happy.

then i went home and ate some food so i could take some suphedrine, aka the heart exploder. i have had this headache the past 2 days, completely sinus related. it hurts. ouch. but im trying to ignore it and take it easy.

i then watched eulogy, which was pretty decent. i liked the actress in it, the sister in almost famous. yeah, i like her.

i also talked to jon rowan today. i guess we might go and watch the new batman, with him and his friends. but i wont be surprised if i am stood up. so i am not really planning on going, unless he actually calls back. who knows.

mike might be pissed that i watched it without him, and especially with jon. but, whatever, he left me for a month basically, and i havent talked to him for almost a week. it is really weird not talking to him. its like im forgetting his voice already. it will be soo weird to see him again. and i know its only been a short while, relatively speaking, but we havent talked more than 30 mins since he left, and that was the 5th, it is not the 18th.

im getting pretty antsy about him not calling now, since last sunday. but he IS in another country. i dont know the situation really, probably because i havent talked to him. and i think right now he is there with just him, his brother and his cousin, so it might be weird if he made an effort to call me? i wonder if his brother is calling his girlfriend? blah. stupid thoughts to think about, but im definitely randomly thinking about them.

i decided today though that after this, i will be perfectly fine when he goes to long beacgh. i know now that i have enough of a life of my own to live without him while he is there. although i prefer to live my life with him, i think i will survive. i am surviving this a lot better than i thought i would. today is different cuz im all alone, and having to reach out to people i havent seen in almost a year. whatever.

i suppose i am happy with my life. especially after knowing that i can live without mike here constantly. its nice to know. and i am glad we got this opportunity apart, and this opportunity for him not to call me for so long. but, i still prefer to talk to him soon. i made this realization, and would now like him to call me. he has no excuse now, cuz he knows its the weekend and he knows i dont work on the weekends. its up to him. obviously. since i have no way to get ahold of him. he better call me right when he gets into houston. i know he misses me, maybe he is trying to play a game with himself, to see if he can live without me. maybe he is still thinking about how he wants to move to another country for a few months. i dont know. i hope this will fullfil his need to travel for awhile, at least until i graduate and have more of a flexible schedule.

i wish my head would feel better and my room would clean itself. with his clothes now in my closet its a lot harder. i need to figure out some way to solve this problem. i have no hangers now, and no space. i am going to go work on this for now.

i hope this decent more introspective, borderline happy mood continues.

will be playing bright eyes all day.

stupid fucking mechanics - 2005-06-23

thank the lord - 2005-06-22

a better entry - 2005-06-20

happy fathers day. hah. - 2005-06-20

mikey called, finally - 2005-06-19

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