It's The Choices That We Choose

pms fashionably late

2005-06-24 - 11:48 p.m.

at this rate i cant wait to go back on birth control on sunday. i think it keeps my moods up. i think i get pms during my period. the moodiness, the stomach aches, basically the moodiness.

when im on birth control im happy.

oh well.

and im all like why am i not out on a friday night? im such a loser. but, then everyone at my complex is home. or... they have someone over probably.

i think downstairs a girl lives with a guy, but it could be a girl and a girl and the guy, or a girl and a girl and one with a boyfriend who is frequently over. im not sure. why does it matter? it doesnt.

judo can be really frusterating sometimes. i am the lowest ranked one, and the slowest learner ever, i think. i am also a girl, and a small on at that, and am still a white belt so its hard to group me with someone. they dont like grouping me when someone above me significantly, unless its a guy. dont ask, i dont know.

also, it seems like they are always watching for my mistakes. i make a lot of them, im learning. it makes sense, they just want to correct me. but PLEASE when criticizing me constantly, please throw in a few good comments. like you can do it, everyone takes this long, you cant be perfect, youre improving.

and, i have no friends in there. most of the people are older, already have friends or younger and i feel creepy. when its younger i mean under 16, but older than 14. or they speak spanish or japanese.

a guy tried to befriend me today, after noticing how akwardly i was standing around, as per usual. im kinda used to it though, because everytime i did sports before, like in high school, i didnt really have a true friend on the team so i would just bounce around from people to people, to see if they would accept me or something. and then not caring if they did, so i just made myself more of a wallflower.

i dont know. i think it will be better when mike gets back. then he will introduce me to people, etc. it will be easier to start conversations with people. or at least i assume. he will be gone once august comes though, most likely, so i guess he would just be my helping hand at first. i did survive my first month of judo alone though. well except for next monday and wednesday. and i doubt im going monday cuz thats when mike gets back.

im extremely sore today from my work out yesterday and today. and im really annoyed because i wanted to wear this really cute outfit tomorrow for the engagement party, but i only have a black cardigan that goes with it that is 3/4's sleeve or whatever. and that is a problem because i have a tattoo, and it is never a good time to let my mom know i have one.

if she freaked out so much about me changing my hair color i have no idea what she would do about me doing something permanent to my body. hair changes, tattoos dont, unless you pay a LOT for it to be removed, etc.

im annoyed mostly though because all shirts that are sold mostly, for work, etc are all 3/4 sleeves. i want LONG sleeves fuckers. and it is soo difficult to find them. and when i do it costs more for the most part, which makes me feel like my tattoo is costing me tons of money. grr.

also this new pair of shoes i got from payless, that i ordered onlines, well they are cute but they dont fit. so i wonder if i can return them to a regular payless store. i dont know. i dont have a reciept obviously, but i do have the box and the tags still on them.

i dont know im frusterated. i was supposed to maybe go out, but that didnt work out. i am supposed to go to breakfast with andrea tomororw morning. that sounds like fun.

i wanted to get my car washed, but im driving up the mountain to my mom's, up her dirt driveway (she lives int he mtns) so that would be retarded.

sunday when i come back, hopefully early, i have a lot to do. i want to clean my house, go grocery shopping, do laundry, blah.

and my heart has been racing all night. i think it does everytime im alone. i cant calm it down. its not even certain thoughts that provoke it. maybe thoughts of being alone? i dont know.

im really pathetic. i blame it on my period. hopefully it will all be over by sunday when i can take the new months glorious pill. hah.

ok, goodnight.

the weekend thus far - 2005-07-03

so i dont forget - 2005-06-30

bad moods - 2005-06-30

woo hoo - 2005-06-28

crappy weekend - 2005-06-26

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