It's The Choices That We Choose

crappy weekend

2005-06-26 - 10:34 p.m.

this weekend was pretty shitty.

on saturday i drove up to my mom's. i didnt hit any major traffic or anything, which was nice. but after trying to hurry and get there i find out we arent leaving until 4 hours later. which was pretty annoying.

so we finally left around 330 to go to my brothers engagement party in bakersfield. the trip there, not so fun. it was my mom screaming about my step dad's driving and the air conditioner blasting on me. and really crappy music and nothing to look at but joshua trees. i got to talk to my little brothers and sister which was nice, but that was about all that was nice about the drive. and it wasnt nice for all of it, cuz they all started to fight, etc. blah.

we finally get to bakersfield and meet up with my brother and his fiance dominique. when we get to the house ryan greets us along with all of their friends, but dominique walks by glaring and complaining about something, not even acknowleding our existence.

usually she is kinda bitchy and self centered and doesnt care about my mom and such, but she is never that blatantly rude to me. i was pretty offended. i was thinking, fuck, i just spent a really shitty drive coming to this fucking lame ass thing to be uncomfortable with your family and friends, and you dont even say hi to me? man, what the fuck? the entire time we were at the house she didnt say one word to me, let alone my family.

we go to the restaurant later, and im sitted right in front of dom. she talks to me a little bit, but not really. i guess she was having anxiety problems or something. but still, suck it up for fucks sake.

then they have some sort of toast when dinner began, about how dom and ryan are not only going to be a union but our entire families will be one. blah blah blah. and the parents and dom and ryan go sit at another table with each other and talk. the kids, me and dom's friends are left now. her friends are really nice so we talk to them. very talkative, which was nice.

so after dinner, about 2 hours or so later, we leave. we drove 3.5 hours, of hell, for a 2 hour dinner with people who were incredibly rude. i knew it would be uncomfortable cuz those always are, but geez, lets make it worse. gosh.

we left and i had to deal with my mom screaming and complaining about everything again. and we were all tired and worn out from all the akward stress.

and i feel even worse cuz im always defending dom, which i still try to continue to, just so our families wont hate each other. but its hard to when she actually offends me.

so i do the whole drive home, listening again to shitty music going static-like. i heard when a man loves a woman, by michael bolton, like 4 times. one time is enough for a lifetime. seriously.

then when im finally getting some akward sleep in the car we are going up the mtn up some windy ass fucking roads with my mom screaming at every turn. gah! it gives me a headache just writing about it.

so we get back finally, and i go to sleep and sleep in until 10am. which is impressive for me.

then we go to breakfast. which was nice. but i was still in a bad mood abotu the day before, so i wasnt really into being friendly with my family. which made things worse, cuz then i started to feel bad about that.

i finally end up leaving around 2pm. usually it takes me 1.5-2 hours to get home. today it took me 3.5 hours because there was traffic everywhere. in stupid fucking san bernardino to ontario, it was because of NOTHING, except a bunch of dumb fucking people. stupid trash. gah.

and then another time where there was horrible traffic was when there was an accident on the OTHER side of the freeway. it was a pretty bad accident, but not worth causing dead stop traffic when it wasnt even on the side of the road i was on. soo lame.

also, i was annoying because i called mike while i was driving and he didnt call me back until the second i got into my driveway. that was annoying.

but we talked. it was nice i suppose. i want to see him tomorrow, im done with this whole far away thing. which makes me nervous and makes me super analytical about him moving to long beach. im really scared about the whole thing and want to talk to him about it. but i dont know if tomorrow is the key time to talk about it. but then after tomorrow nick will be here for a week or something.

and then there is the akward does he have to invite me thing. and i want him to, but not like he has to. and not everytime, for sure. but im now in the mind set how he is moving in a month now, and i want to spend as much time as possible with him. which can lead to bad things, so im going to stop focusing on that.i need to quit over thinking about everything. but i do need to talk to him about the future with long beach, so i can stop over analyzing it.

i went to the grocery store today, and spent $87. what the hell did i buy? i bought a lot of fruit, 2 dinners (i figured it would be cheaper than going out, but maybe not.). i bought wine. i am eating pop tarts again for breakfast fuck that idea of quitting that. i like them gosh dammit. i bought salad. i just bought a lot of stuff. i hope i can eat it all. i will have mike and nick around to help at least. just please boys dont eat what i want to eat. hahah.

i cant wait to see him and i hope this living together thing will work out for the month and his friend being here. i think mike is prob going to quit his job, or at least not start until nick leaves. makes sense.

i think i might just go to judo and he can go out those nights. even though i get back when he would be leaving, or later actually. and i will be hanging out with molly to. i dont know.

i think tomorrow mike and i will hang out and watch six feet under and sopranos. im going to make lasagna, salad, asparagus and cheesey garlic bread. mmm. fattening, but oh well. oh yeah and wine with dinner.

today i felt like chugging alcohol. thats not good. but i was just soo overly frusterated with this past weekend.

im over it now for the most part. i cleaned up a little at my house. not as much as i wanted to. but oh well. i did all my laundry except my sheets and blankets. that will be soon.

i think judo will be skipped tomororw. mike seemed pretty dead tired, so i bet he will fall asleep really early tomorrow.

i guess he went rafting the other day?? weird. and then tonight he is going to eat dessert with some of his friends. and maybe go out? he doesnt know. i dont care, whatever. as long as he is here tomorrow at 3:38 like he is supposed to.

im skipping kpbs, which i already told them about.

oh yeah, mike and nick can hang out all day when im at work, thats a lot of time alone with the boys time isnt it? whatever they are staying at my house they are going to have to deal with inviting me places. hah. and im making them dinner. so they can suck it. hahah.

ok, im feeling better after complaining now. i think im going to attempt sleep soon. im not really tired though and feel like tonight be the sleepless nights, so im putting off attempting sleep, in hopes it might make me tired.

oh yeah i made a lot of money off ebay this past week. woo hoo. oh yeah and with amazon too. someone bought this book from me for 11 something that my school would have give me 75 cents for. stupid fucking school buy backs. hah.

ok, bye, night, whatever.

ulcer? - 2005-07-05

the weekend thus far - 2005-07-03

so i dont forget - 2005-06-30

bad moods - 2005-06-30

woo hoo - 2005-06-28

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